Friday, February 29, 2008

Presedential Pick-Me-Up: Part 1

Happy Leap Day! Or is it Leap Year Day? Whatever.

In case you live in a cave or forest, and your hobby of choice is poking yourself in the eyes and ears with rocks, you know (as the existence of February 29th indicates) it's an election year. And if you know me, you know I am a Kucinich person, in a big way. Please see my livejournal icon to your right. I'm devoted, y'all.

So, I was understandably disheartened by- well- I was going to say "Dennis dropping out", but also Dennis being excluded before he dropped out, the array of Dennis-bashing before he dropped out, and so on. I am frankly disenchanted with both Hillary and Barack, and while I always considered McCain the least evil of the republicans, I realize more and more how fucking crazy he is and (considering the past few elections) how much more electable that makes him. I've said it during election years before, and I'll said it again: we're doomed!

So it's nice, during these dark times, to remember that while whoever is going to end up in the White House isn't going to be exactly ideal, at least there are some people who are totally never going to end up in the White House. People who, say, want to reinstate stoning for gays and loose women, or think their cosmic destiny as president of the universe is written in the stars- the same stars that they wish to bomb as president. Vote-smart dot org has a list of just such people, and it's called the "Other" party list of presidential candidates. Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking all third-party candidates, and I did pull a few bizarre candidates from the Republican and Democrat lists, too, but that Other list lets you get straight to the crazy. That's because on the Other list, people make up their own parties. I don't want to spoil any of the surprises, so I present for you, the first installment of a list of people whose asses Dennis Kucinich could- and, really, has thoroughly kicked in a presidential election:

Da Vid
The Light Party
You are going to notice a theme of the religion category being a source of confusion with these candidates, as apparently strange people running for president are really into strange religions, or using way too many words to explain their religion. Vid- or should I call him Da? I'm really postulating that his name is David and he either thought his last name wasn't interesting enough or he was too paranoid to post it on Vote-Smart. Anyway, Vid lists his religion as Rosicrucian, Hermetic Qabalist. I looked these words up on Wikipedia, and as far as I can tell it's New Age for history majors. They're very into stars and mysticism and really dense concepts that I'm sure all have some ancient basis that I don't understand. Also, this thing:

And here we're think a Mormon would be hard to market.
Anyway, now that I've ripped on the poor guy's religion, let me say honestly, his organizations list is kind of astounding. Vid has been part no less than 36 nice-sounding groups, including Green Peace and Doctors Without Borders. I'm really interested in the Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance. What kind of work exactly would that entail? Forgiving people, or pressuring people to forgive other people? Forgiveness conventions?
His three presidential priorities are what really seals the deal on never becoming president for him. The first is disarming all nukes, which is admirable enough. The second is "Project Health", which appears to be universal health care with some "eco-agriculture" thrown in, nothing really extreme there. His third priority, however, is "Project Light, the catchy tag line being "All The Power That Ever Was Or Will Be Is Here Now." Got a ring to it, eh? Project Light basically aims for "a sustainable global solar hydrogen/hemp based economy". How will we acheive this? Why, "The Gaia/Solaris Consortium", of course. If this vote-smart survey was graded, the professor would write a big red please explain your answer next to this one.

Gene Amondson
Prohibition Party

Seriously, guy? You're running on prohibition? You do know how that went over the last time, right? He's not totally out of touch with the youth, though: he has a myspace. And two whole friends. Maybe he'd attract more if he had any information on the page besides his name, age, marital status and astrological sign. Why those last two specifically? Possibly... for the ladies?

Terry Lee "Tee" Barkdull
The America Party

As a blogger, I have to say about this guy: JACKPOT. The first two were easy to find, but I took a chance on this guy, as he was only listed as "Unknown". However, if you follow the trail to his website, you will see quite clearly that Tee here belongs to THE AMERICA PARTY. You will also see clearly that he loves FREEDOM, CAPSLOCK, FORMATTING and "PICTURES OF EAGLES". Can you guess what the mascot of the America Party is? Hint: It's a motherfucking eagle!
I seriously don't know where to begin with this guy- I suppose the easiest jab is at the layout- eagles, soldiers and America flags fuckin' abound. He's also a big fan of weird, unnecessary formating choices and "QUOTATIONS", even in places where they make his "argument" seem "meaningless". For example, instead of promising what he'd do as your President, he tells you what he'll do AS YOUR "PRESIDENT". Don't be fooled by the seeming lack of intelligence he displays with constant misused commas ("We, can win together!"), his complete misunderstanding of how things like disability benefits, immigration and racism (holy shit is this guy swamped in privilege- did you know the very existence of BET is racist?) work, and his typos ("I am sick of Politically Correction") that result in saying something completely different ("No free bees for immigrants!"- I'm with him on this, I mean, we are short on bees). He considers himself to be a very "INTELLIGENT" individual.
Tee is very big on speaking English. Did you know over 2/3 of the world's native language is English? Tee does. He also thinks being given the option of pressing 1 for English or 2 for Spanish is discrimination. That's right- the fact that you are even offering a language besides English is impeding Tee's rights.
He wants sex, along with race, age, and eye color to be eliminated from job applications (goodness knows how sick I am of writing out my eye color every time I apply for a job). However, the Boy Scouts are for boys, the Girl Scouts are for girls- "The way it should be!". Also, he apparently feels that "homosexuality is WRONG! It's not a phobia, it's my OPINION!!! I have the right to 'NOT' to be tolerant of others because they are different, wired or they just PISS ME OFF!!" Sure, you have the right to be intolerant- unless, whoops, you're the fucking president. I'm pretty sure he meant weird instead of wired, but it wouldn't be a big stretch to see this guy going on a tirade against cyborgs.
Man, I could go on for days about this guy. He surely spent at least a few days on his website- besides the insane amount of formatting variations, he has at least a dozen rants that just go on and fucking on. The sheer volume of his angry babblings would be commendable, if only they weren't so ignorant, repetitious and completely lacking in self-awareness. The motto that sits atop his front page, "WE THE PEOPLE. THAT MEANS ALL AMERICANS", seems to be looking down at the rest of his ranting in scorn.
Let me just end with one more quote:
He makes no other reference to samurai swords anywhere on the page. Tee: What "THE FUCK" are you talking about?

If people like Tee- or heck, if people like Da Vid- get you riled up, just take a deep breath now, and remember that the chance of them fulfilling their dream of becoming President is about the same as the chance of Tee knowing what "sesquipedalian" means.
Hopefully this has restored your faith in our mainstream presidential candidates as much as it did mine. I'll have two more installments, on Sunday and Tuesday- and who knows, if more people announce their candidacy, this could go on until November.


Monday, February 25, 2008


The entertainment industry has double standards for men and women. Duh.
Everybody knows that, and if you don't, please start bringing it up in conversation as often as possible, so all the sane people around you can inform you otherwise face-to-face. The process would be simply exhausting over the internet. If everyone around you agrees with you, quietly and cautiously leave the area as soon as possible: you may, unknowingly, be part of a cult.
That's out of the way.

So, I watched the Oscars tonight, and- another duh- Juno won for Best Original Screenplay. I'm not sure how the internet is going to take this, because it seems as much as there's a critical orgy going on over the film, there's a good amount of venom being spewed at Diablo Cody. I wasn't sure how I felt about it all, since I've only heard second hand (or third hand, or perhaps even fourth hand- blogger gets opinion of Cody from blogger who got opinion of Cody through article about Cody somewhere) accounts of her personality. The consensus seems to be that she's full of herself, or she's trying too hard, or she does not deserve all the attention she's getting. So I watched her Oscar acceptance speech with this in mind, and I call bullshit on the Cody-hate. She was perfectly humbled by the experience, and spoke of herself as a writer in terms of a process, not an achievement. And, shock of all shocks, not one cute quotable included!

Also, I thought this was kind of rad, and indicative of substance. I think those that call Cody a phony/without substance don't understand what I talked about in my post on Juno and anti-folk: the ability to simultaneously be silly and sincere. The most interesting sentence: "He blames the stripper-turned-screenwriter's behind-the-scenes team for not fully communicating the value of the shoes to Cody."
One, why do they have to mention she was a stripper? Is there a subtle implication there that she's stupid or low-class? Maybe it was just an interesting tidbit they wanted to throw in. But why? It's irrelevant, isn't it? So that's a little suspicious. The amusing part, of course, is that the maker of the shoes assumes the Cody would be happy to wear them if only she knew they cost two million fucking dollars. It doesn't occur to some people that maybe some other people do not desire diamond-studded shoes that cost two million fucking dollars, and when you go ahead and assume they will peddle your hunk of rocks (obtained from an oppressive industry, the cost of which could feed a small nation) and tell media outlets they're doing so without their permission- duh!- they will not be happy with you.
So, maybe the "former stripper" label Cody is stuck with is indicative of a lower-class mindset, and maybe that's a good thing: maybe that means she has the ability to see through bullshit. Kimya Dawson, who I do not feel foolish describing as My Hero, has retained this ability during her rise to fame: you can read about her bewilderment with celebrity giftbags here, and her fuck-you to Walmart here.

Bitch Magazine's blog did a piece on Cody and the weird backlash against her, and the sexist motivation behind some of it, and (duh) the double standard women face in the industry. I remember reading an article in Bitch a while back, too, that was really enlightening at the time, about how much flak a woman would get if she acted as self-important as, oh, say, Sean Combs. I can't articulate the point quite as well as they did, but I think the problematic thing is while women are allowed to be successful more so now than ever, they are seen as bitchy attention whores if they celebrate their success.

Oh man, the Oscars are so long. I'm so fucking tired. But determined!
Here's another article about double-standards. Every news item about Britney Spears makes me feel sick. I gotta say, I'm with Chris Crocker. Can we leave her the fuck alone already? Also, have we stopped playing that clip of Chris Crocker yet? I haven't been paying much attention lately, but damn, that shit has been pervasive.
I was sick of the Britney bashing back when she shaved her head. Are we still at the point where a chick can't shave her head without it being a symptom?

Oh, my links are getting crazy. Time for bed.

P.S. Why does my text get squished after a quote? Help me, Professor Internets.


Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Surprisingly didn't think to post this for Valentine's

I joined a writer's group on my campus, and our very first prompt (oh, how I do prefer writing groups that give prompts instead of writing groups where I sit there reading something I wrote six months ago and listen to people tell me they liked it) was to write a love letter to make the recipient swoon. You may remember that I've been swooning (for over three years now) over a wonderful boy, but I thought it would be awfully cheesey to write to him, and I didn't want to be too personal for the first prompt of our first meeting. He's off to Argentina until July very soon, and I might tear up if I tried to put words to how that feels. So I wrote it to my other main man, and thought you would enjoy the results.

My beautiful and dear Dennis Kucinich,
You have never met me, and I have never met you, yet I feel our connection. It is as if you are the wind, all around me, gently pushing my turbine to create a raw, hot, renewable energy source. I know you are a married man, but I can’t help myself. You get my blood pumping, like a life-saving transfusion made available to me by universal health care. Forget your wife- but value her equality and preserve her reproduction rights- spend just one night with me, let me take you to places you’ve never been- like vegan restaurants. You know as well as I that they’re hard to come by, but oh, so enticing- and so worth the danger.
You broke my heart when you dropped out of the race, Dennis, but I forgive you. Come away with me, let us escape this humdrum two-party system and do something really radical. We could protest for troop withdrawal... or if you’re feeling really naughty, impeachment. After we get a Department of Peace established, you and I can work on a special project- the Department of Love. Let me be your vegetable-eating vixen, your granola-crunching girl, your sexy leftist. Is that a copy of The Constitution in your pocket, or is this love?
My heart (and vote) will always be yours,

Also in Dennis-related news: I had the brilliant thought today to seek out Dennis 08' merchandise, because, duh, the prices must be cute way back! Sure enough, everything at his official store is 50% off! As much as I hate to encourage unchecked consumerism, I'll say again what I said on V-Day- GET SHOPPING!


Saturday, February 16, 2008

Dying of Fierceness


This won the last challenge?

Again with the triangle thing. Here's hoping the judges realize the errors of their ways when, at fashion week, one of Christian's models fall over from a combination of top-heaviness and no circulation in their legs.

Disclosure: I DON'T GET PUFFY SLEEVES. Not at all. Not one bit. Not just when Christian does it, either- I never understand puffy sleeves. Even the tiny poof of the sleeve on Victorya and Kevin's dress in the Bitten challenge was enough to prevent me from buying it. How am I supposed to wear a jacket over that without feeling awkward? Won't the layers of material make me look like (as grieved as I am to quote Michael Kors as we usually disagree on everything) a Power Bitch? What normal person gets away with puffy sleeves off of a runway? Are giant, swollen arms suddenly attractive?
Enough about the sleeves. Sorry. They drive me crazy.

I'm glad Jillian's in, because, you know, I guess she's my favorite now, dammit. I never saw this coming. The twist I thought was- worthwhile, but not particularly suspenseful. It's really irrelevant to me if Rami or Chris are in, because Jillian is the one I want to win and Christian is the one I think is going to win. I am madly sick of Christian. I don't feel bad talking smack about him at this point because his self-confidence should really be donated to science for further study; if it can be harnessed it may be the solution to the energy crisis.
My number one peeve (though they're hard to rank, really):

When you look at a word that much, it's just an amalgamation of letters, now isn't it? When I hear it now, alas, due to Christian's intense over-use, it is only a noise. What is Tyra gonna tell her girls to be now?

Anyway. On to the one I care about.
Sweet P. If I made a farewell video for that darling, I think I'd use Joni's "Big Yellow Taxi". See, I watched the whole season with the possibility that she could be aufed in the back of my mind- I didn't want to get too attached- so I never fully appreciated what a gentle, lovely little person she is, and how much I am really, really going to miss watching her.
Also, I loved her peacock dress.

I want one. I don't think I've ever wanted a dress on PR this much. What can I say? I'm a sucker for bright colors and big pockets.

I know someone had to go (they couldn't pull that "everyone wins!" gimmick two years in a row), but how unfortunate. Her style was so... the opposite of Christian's. Which I love! And how shitty that she was the only one who was officially out. Way to say "we have faith in everyone but you". Meanies.

I don't know that I'll have much to say next week, I'll probably keep my girlish squealing about Steven, Elisa, Kit, Kevin, Ricky and of course Sweet P's last appearances to myself. I have some other less TV-y posts planned, however. Though I could post about Lost, since it's back on- and of course, so fucking intriguing. But I wouldn't have much to say beyond "Fuck, eh?". And perhaps to mention that Daniel Faraday is my favorite TV character in- well- memory.


Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Day Before Discount Candy Day!

Otherwise known as V-Day, of course.
I have one story of love and passion for you, and one story of loss and heartache.

Love and passion:
Sex toys are legal in Texas! If you didn't know that selling sex toys was a felony in Texas, here's a hilarious run-down for you on the former law:

So a VERY happy V-Day to all of you Texans. Get shopping!

Loss and heartache:
A young transwoman of color from the Bronx is brutally murdered by a friend, and the media coverage is devastatingly ignorant. They claim she is a prostitute without any proof, call her a "man dressed as a woman", quote a seventeen-year-old neighbor describing her masculine attributes, and refer to her legal name as a "feminine nickname"- and all of this is AFTER glaad got them to re-write it. This sort of thing really blows my mind. Please go read the coverage at Feministe, all of it.


Saturday, February 09, 2008

The Tackiest Thing I May Have Ever Done Out of Fandom

I should have seen it coming, what with no immunity for the winner last challenge. I almost think it was planned that way- because Ricky's wrestling outfit, while not a traditional one, pleased his customer and was clearly not the worst on that runway. Of course, Rami has Golden Boy Syndrome and can't be voted out- mrah.

So in lieu of a big long entry, I prepared a little farewell for my boy Ricky. There's so much Ricky hate going around; I wanted to bring in some big-type love. While this is kind of a hate song, I thought it was, you know, appropriate, and expressed the heartache I feel.

I love a man who's not afraid to cry.
Though- as I'm sure many bloggers have already pointed out- no tears in his exit interview. He's clearly grown (or at least gotten more sleep). That's my boy.
Sorry for the jumpy or choppy bits of this video- apparently one of the features of Windows Movie Maker is shutting down every twenty seconds. Not exaggerating.
Edit: tweaked the video a bit, should be at least a little smoother now. Also, I forgot to mention that the cover of Cry Me A River is done by The Cliks.

So, who am I rooting for now? Well, Sweet P is still my underdog. However- and this surprising, since I've been so hard on her for so long- I think I want to see Jillian take the whole thing. Her wrestling outfit really charmed me.