Thursday, December 22, 2005

The Daniel Franco Hug Fund

So much to talk about! Goodness me.
Oh, very first, of course-
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A sweet farewell to Daniel Franco. Granted, you were not the best designer ever, but boy, you'd been robbed. Forget everything nice I said about Santino- to heck with Santino. You both were going to have your weeks to go, but this was his week to go, and take his flashy, hideous, unwearable suck-up-to-Heidi garment with him. At least you had a concept that made sense. Evil conquered good, in my opinion. The movie's over and mighty Casey has struck out. Well, maybe not that bad, but, you know. At least he had the best send-off ever. It really was like the Daniel Franco Story had come to its close, slow clap and all. Follow you bliss, Daniel Franco.

Ladies and Gentleman, I would like to inform you of the charity I have conceived. It is small, and it gives not clothes, money, food or non-elastic thread. It gives something we all have in our pockets. Or, well, maybe in our arms, or our hearts or something. It gives hugs. This foundation gives hugs, specifically to Daniel Franco. His straight-man weeping, child-like timidness and persistant, little-engine-like spirit scream for the hugs every human truly desires and needs. Your donation can come in many forms- a tight, so-sorry-you-lost-hug; a loose, big-fan-of-the-show hug; a pat-on-the-back man-hug or a hug with a happy ending. Please, find it in your hearts. If you see Daniel Franco, give him a hug.

Phew. Anyway. I actually took notes on this episode. My brothers were, I kid not, talking about cars, fights and pussy pretty much the whole time, which ocassionally made it hard to focus on the fashion. So, I should hit everything I want to mention, but it might end up sounding like, "remember when that happened? Ha ha!"

I liked seeing the designers pitch ideas to Heidi, it really gave you a sense of who had a brain and who was bullshitting. I loved Daniel V's idea, but I didn't expect it to make it to the runway. When it did, I thought it was nice and simplistic, maybe too simplistic, and therefore probably wouldn't win- but it did. Good job, Daniel V, you finally got to strut your stuff and you did it well.
Emmett and Santino take a course in brown nosing, both presenting Heidi-inspired collections. I can't believe one of them was actually chosen. Methinks Santino is being pushed forward a little on his personality, while on the runway he continues to produce costumes.
Both of my wishes for Diana fell through, but she pulled it off wonderfully. Guadalupe is stepping over- who am I kidding?- Guadalupe is jumping around over the line between artsy and pretentious. She made little comments putting down Diana, and while Diana is young, her idea had some sort of depth to it. Guadalupe's idea was poor. Well, it was more than poor. It was, kind of dumb.
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Lupe fans would tell me, "hey, I'd definitely wear that!", and that's just the problem. I think Target or Wal-Mart may already be mass-producing these. And, um, does the bottom one say "pack"? What is she trying to imply?
Anyway, Diana my dear. She pulled it off, with Tim Gunn questioning her, a mediocre team (reminscent of the kids picked last in gym) and a model from hell. Marla's model, Cara, insisted that the garment was inappropriate and she would not wear it until it covered her dirty pillows. Dear, I'm glad you have morals, I really am, but, of course it's not appropriate! It's lingerie. You're in the lucky boat, two-thirds of Daniel Franco's collection exposed a nipple or two on national television. Suck it up.
Santino made a snide remark, not just about Diana, but about her whole team, calling them lame and saying "they haven't had sex in their whole lives", which actually has nothing to do with designing. That stripped away all the sympathy I'd accumulated for him. I'm sorry, but you do not talk about nice girls behind their backs. Go ahead, talk about how much their design sucks, but do not bash them personally when they've said nothing about you. Santino is a big bully. For his information, I would not fuck him if he was straight in a hundred years, but were the ladies willing, I would have copious amounts of sex with Diana, several one night stand situations with Guadalupe and yes, I would have spiting-Santino sex with Marla. Roar.

Oh, where was I. Did any one catch Zulema saying "A, he's this, Two, he's that"?
Ah, and I remembered some more product placement. How could I neglect the Tresemee hair salon mentioned every week and painted on the walls? I also caught Kara with an unblurred bottle of Dasani. Oh, Kara! I wanted to say- I like Kara! As far as personality, anyway. We've finally gotten to see her, and my first impression was off, but I still like her. I like her South African accent, and I like her threatening Daniel's "pee-pee" in her accent. Oh, joy.
Other things to be mentioned: sexual tension between Daniel and Heidi in the pitch room, which was pretty hilarious and I wish Bravo put up a picture of, Daniel having time to check his hair with the models, which I also wish Bravo had put in the scrapbook.

That reminds me. I don't do screen caps, so I depend soley on the official Bravo site for all my pictures from the episodes. I have definitely been questioning their selections. Usually, it's the weird facial expressions they choose that bother me. Though, sometimes those are amusing. What really bothered me this episode, all the sex they tried to pump into their thirty-some-odd little pictures. I know, lingerie episode, but they have Heidi kissing an aufed model on the lips, a shot of the hot and unpregnant Miss Klum, a fair share of moderately exposed buttocks, a couple of disembodied torsos, and in case you missed it, the Daniel Franco exposed nipple collection. Oh Bravo, you perverts!

Final note- see what I said about P:R being unpredicatable? Just about everyone's picks for the final three (I've seen lots of Santino-Nick-Chloe, even before Nick won the Barbara challenge), on the chopping block.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, a bright New Year to thee, or Chinese New Year, eventually, if that's your thing.


Anonymous said...

I felt so bad for Daniel Franco. I thought he was annoying last season, but man, he's redeemed himself. What a sweet guy. I was really sad to see him go, but it was the most honorable cut I've seen.
Call me a geek, but I couldn't sleep after watching the episode last night, so I found Daniel's web site and I emailed him! I know, I know. But I did. I just wrote how I thought he was a good designer and I really admired the way he acted during the show. He totally emailed me back! Or maybe someone else did. But anyway, I got a reply! And he totally thanked me and shit! And said he was at a loss for words! It was so cool. And with that, Daniel Franco is my third favorite PR contestant ever, after Jay and Austin.
Yeah, and Santino is totally a bitch, and not even a good one anymore. I hope he sucks even worse next week, asshole.

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, sorry, that last comment about the Daniel F email was from me, Dorie

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